I’m scrolling through Facebook and I see everyone setting goals for their happiness in 2016. That’s great for them. But, it makes me wonder if it’s realistic to set goals when you have depression.
I didn’t set specific goals. I instead plan (hope) to focus on creating a schedule and being consistent with it. Just simple things like waking at the same time every, showering daily (which some days seems too exhausting), and scheduling my work day.
Thats not really Facebook worthy or inspiring, so I’m blogging instead. It starts tomorrow.
I will document this journey of simple steps in the hope that it will keep me on track, that maybe it will inspire someone else feeling the same way, and maybe gather some insight from others who may read this. Thank you!
November 15, 2015 – This is what normal feels like! I wrote in my journal, “this is fabulous”.
It had been so long since I’ve felt “normal”. What is normal? For me, its the clouds and weight lifted and I just feel like I can do everyday activities without being down. There’s no “gray” in my day. I just woke and was ready to take on what came my way.
I want that EVERYDAY! I don’t know how to repeat it. I want to bottle it so I can feel it everyday.
We were out of town for a hockey tournament and we woke up to drive home. I got up, took a shower without talking myself into it. I packed the room and helped load in truck. We drove home for 3 hours, and I was chatting the entire way – actually having a conversation, not just staring out into space feeling numb. I even cracked a couple funnies that made everyone smile. The feeling stayed with me the entire day!
Two days prior, my partner and I were discussing some issues we were having and literally 5 minutes into the conversation, I felt so down and sad that I thought if I didn’t have kids, there is no purpose for me being here. I feel like I’m just enduring it because I have children, a grandson, and a partner that I love. That gets exhausting, though!
Thankfully, a different feeling revealed itself on 11/15/15 and it’s the day I decided that depression will not lead my life anymore. I will find a way for normal to rule. I like normal. I deserve normal.