Ok, so I know the title sounds a bit grandiose! But, I’m done worrying about what people think, about being judged and even about failing. I have to do what’s in my heart. If it doesn’t turn out how I want, I’m OK with that now.
What’s changed? Many things over the past few years. But the final push was a conversation I had with a new friend last weekend. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, insightful young woman who has a beautiful gentle presence. As we were talking, she told me that she struggles with depression here and there. I would have never known. As we talked and shared, it made me, again, realize that I’m not the only one.
I’ve also been reading so many messages from people in various Facebook groups (motivational groups), asking for advice on how to succeed in certain areas of life when they struggle with depression or anxiety. There are too many people in our lives and in this world that feel the same.
I’m not going to hide anymore. I need to write and share and create a tribe for people. A tribe that supports each other, helps each other, offers advice to each other. A place where we can band together.
I don’t have all the answers; but I have experience. I have compassion; and a deep desire to make a difference in this world. To make a difference in the world of depression. I hope you join me in this journey.
I wake up on Monday morning and go through my morning routine (The Miracle Morning), which I will share in another post. I should, for all reasons, be happy and looking forward to a beautiful day; but no! I have depression and today it wants to rule and drag me down. It sucks!
I should be happy because I had a fabulous weekend. I enjoyed time with my husband, we shopped together, cooked together, cozied up and watching tv together, talked about how much we are in love and of our future plans together. I had a pleasant conversation with my son who is a Marine stationed in Okinawa Japan. Found the perfect gift for my Grandson, Liam, who will be 2 next week (and is with this Mommy and Daddy in Okinawa). To top it off, my youngest son’s hockey team won the State Championship for the 5th year in a row. Happy times.
I am going to use my energy and force myself to think positive, to talk positive to myself and after posting this, will not mention the word depression. I am committed to forcing depression into remission today. I refuse to let it take hold today!
I’m scrolling through Facebook and I see everyone setting goals for their happiness in 2016. That’s great for them. But, it makes me wonder if it’s realistic to set goals when you have depression.
I didn’t set specific goals. I instead plan (hope) to focus on creating a schedule and being consistent with it. Just simple things like waking at the same time every, showering daily (which some days seems too exhausting), and scheduling my work day.
Thats not really Facebook worthy or inspiring, so I’m blogging instead. It starts tomorrow.
I will document this journey of simple steps in the hope that it will keep me on track, that maybe it will inspire someone else feeling the same way, and maybe gather some insight from others who may read this. Thank you!
November 15, 2015 – This is what normal feels like! I wrote in my journal, “this is fabulous”.
It had been so long since I’ve felt “normal”. What is normal? For me, its the clouds and weight lifted and I just feel like I can do everyday activities without being down. There’s no “gray” in my day. I just woke and was ready to take on what came my way.
I want that EVERYDAY! I don’t know how to repeat it. I want to bottle it so I can feel it everyday.
We were out of town for a hockey tournament and we woke up to drive home. I got up, took a shower without talking myself into it. I packed the room and helped load in truck. We drove home for 3 hours, and I was chatting the entire way – actually having a conversation, not just staring out into space feeling numb. I even cracked a couple funnies that made everyone smile. The feeling stayed with me the entire day!
Two days prior, my partner and I were discussing some issues we were having and literally 5 minutes into the conversation, I felt so down and sad that I thought if I didn’t have kids, there is no purpose for me being here. I feel like I’m just enduring it because I have children, a grandson, and a partner that I love. That gets exhausting, though!
Thankfully, a different feeling revealed itself on 11/15/15 and it’s the day I decided that depression will not lead my life anymore. I will find a way for normal to rule. I like normal. I deserve normal.