Depression: Struggling in Silence

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Why do we hide that we have depression? I can only answer for myself and it’s because I didn’t want people to look at me and see weakness. I didn’t want to be judged. I wanted people to think I had it all together. I wanted to believe I had it all together.

I had the best job in the world: I was a stay-at-home mom with 5 children, all active in sports, in 3 different schools, and managing our large suburban home. I, self-admittedly, was doing a really good job at it. People often complimented me on how well I ran the household. I loved my job. I loved being home with my children. As they started growing up, though, and becoming more independent and getting ready to leave the “nest”; they didn’t need  me as much. My role was changing. Then other life stressors happened, and over time I realized I was struggling with depression. But, I wanted to continue to live up to the image of a mom who had it all together, so admitting that I was depressed, wasn’t an option.

In my  mind, if I said it out loud – “I have depression and need help” – then it would be real.

The truth is, it is real. I have depression. Pretending that I didn’t, and then staying silent that I did, only created more darkness and anxiety. As the saying goes, you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.

After struggling with depression for more than 10 years, I started talking about it in 2016. I actually started my blog in 2016; but I wasn’t ready. But, after a year of contemplating “coming out”, 2017 is my year. My year to be honest with myself about living with depression. My year to put my passion to work to bring awareness to depression and end the stigma. We, those of us living with depression, can  be open and honest and live with our heads held high. With the support, we can learn to  navigate this life – the only one we will ever have – and experience the joy we deserve.

It’s my life’s mission: I sharing the story of depression in order to help other women share their stories so they don’t have to struggle or suffer alone in silence. I do this because life is too short to not experience joy and happiness. We’ve been placed  on this earth for a purpose, and it’s not depression. Let’s take this journey together.

Please share your story, if you’re ready. Please comment or ask questions. Let me know what you need to hear that will help you.

Blue Skies & Hugs,

Dawn xoxo

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8 thoughts on “Depression: Struggling in Silence

  1. I don’t share that I have depression in large part because I don’t want the “help” that neuotypicals think they can give me. It’s misguided, unhelpful, and often hurtful.

    I have found a community of bloggers with depression who have empathy and insights. I hope that’s the case for you.

    I’ve had depression since the 3rd grade, and a number of events in my life have “fortified” it. Like you, I was busy raising a family and living a conventional life, but once the nest emptied, I had fewer distractions and couldn’t deny that my chronic bad attitude was actually depression (with a dose of PTSD thrown in – nice!).

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Paul. I understand that some people don’t want to share, and I completely respect that. We all have our own journey in this life. I strongly believe mine is to share my story in the hopes of helping others. Thanks for sharing that the empty nest made it more visible to you. It’s funny how we can throw ourselves so deeply into actions of others, that we ignore who we are. When everyone is gone and living their own lives, we are stuck with ourselves – it’s an eye opener for sure. It’s great that you found your community. I hope I can create a safe, helpful community here.

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  2. I have gone through periods of depression, coming and going sometimes without warning. I am now much better able to spot the approaching darkness. The last time, I didn’t tell people because I couldn’t admit to myself that it was happening. As you say, on the outside all looked good, I teach yoga and meditation so how can I be depressed. But all that makes me sympathetic and empathetic.
    That last (big) time it took my best friend and spiritual guide to tell me in such a way that I could no longer ignore it. I went to my naturopathic doctor for help as she can offer me alternatives that do work for me.
    I am sharing this but I only share normally if I come across someone struggling and they are able to hear my story. Otherwise, I just sit with them and hold their hand.

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  3. I’m so happy that 2017 is your year of speaking about depression. I believe your stories and point of view will be helpful to people who aren’t ready to talk about it but still need some guidance. Thank you for your courage and I look forward to your work this year.

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    1. Thank you for commenting; and thank you for the work you do supporting those with anxiety. We all have a story, and if we can use it to help other I believe its our duty. We’ve all been given gifts, if all of us shared them with each other, the world be a more loving place for us all.

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    1. It is scary! Thank you for you comment and support. I am starting to love who I am – I figure I don’t get to be anyone else! Having depression doesn’t define me and I feel obligated to share it and help others who may not be as far in their journey as I am.

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